The Kirby Crew's Vacation!
by The Cosmic Penguin
Summary: What happens when you take a handful of familiar Kirby characters and throw them together on vacation for a while to an undecided location? Will it be a 'real' vacation, or will it be a completely whacked-out joy ride with no plan?
1. Musical Phone Calls

A/N: Lack of vacation stories in Kirby archive + Recently reading 'The Mario Gang's Wacky Vacation' + postponed story plans sitting around for 4 years = this story.

Warning, there will probably be some OOCness. And some swearing, but nothing too bad. Hey, I shouldn't have to say that; this has a rating system for a reason.

Begin the planning!

* * *

Dedede: Hot…hot…hot…

Bandana Dee: Great King?

Dedede: Yes?

Bandana Dee: FOR THE LOVE OF NOVA, SHUT THE HECK UP, FATSO!

Dedede: Hey, I'm not fat! Penguins are supposed to have some pudge to them! Most penguins I know live on beaches where there's really cold water!

Bandana Dee: Yes, but they're actually going swimming in the water to get their food and hide from danger, whereas _you_ are not.

Dedede: Way to kick a guy when he's down—I mean, hot.

Bandana Dee: Great King.

Dedede: What?

Bandana Dee: It's only _April_, for NOVA's sake.

Dedede: …Well what in the name of myself do you suggest I do?

Bandana Dee: Go somewhere where there's something to entertain yourself, duh. Preferably somewhere either a little colder or a little hotter.

Dedede: Why would I want to go somewhere hotter?

Bandana Dee: Because there would be something for you to do there, unlike here at the castle where we're sitting in direct sunlight while being blown on by electric fans with paper strips attached to them. Which by the way, if that blue-stripped fan turns this way again, I will rip it off and shred it.

(The blue-stripped fan blew across Bandana Dee's face and into his eyes. The waddle dee grasped at them in blind fury as he shredded them into oblivion.)

Dedede: …Point taken. But I don't want to be blamed for picking a crappy location, and I also have a fear of going on vacation by myself.

Bandana Dee: Why?

Dedede: Somebody may try to shoot me, like all great rulers of great countries.

Bandana Dee: Get real. There are no mini-guns in this dimension because they generally aren't very effective, so the most you would have to worry about is getting smacked across the head by a board.

Dedede: And then getting the spike end of it shoved into my throat! Terrifying!

(At this, Dedede jumped up off his chair, knocking his sunglasses over his eyes. His foot came down on one of the fan stands, which was generally not a pleasant experience. The king jumped around the balcony howling in pain, knocking over fans as he went. Bandana Dee watched in bemusement at this scene until Dedede was just about to reach the power base for all of the twelve fans. At this point, Bandana Dee leapt off his chair and snagged Dedede with his spear. The penguin fell onto his back on a clear area as Bandana Dee removed the spear and twirled it around a few times before standing it in position and winking at the camera.)

Bandana Dee: Which smart-remark quote should I use to insult you in this situation?

Dedede: Bandana Dee, let's just get to vacation planning so we can ditch this conversation.

Bandana Dee: Who are you going with? It's certainly not going to be me, that's for sure, so forget it.

Dedede: I'll drag along Kirby or something. Maybe Meta Knight. I know a few other people from way back, too.

Bandana Dee: Great King, why are you taking Meta Knight when he has not only tricked, betrayed, and otherwise poked fun at you but tried to completely obliterate our mountain fortress and kill you that one time?

Dedede: If Kirby comes, it will all balance out. Better Meta Knight than what I've heard of Kirby's clones. Kirby and Meta Knight can't stand them, and if _they_ can't stand them, than how will _I_?

Bandana Dee: Hm. Good point. So it's just gonna be a small crew?

Dedede: You'll see, Bandana Dee, you'll see…

(Dedede walks off.)

Bandana Dee: Somehow, I don't like the sound of that…

* * *

(Dedede reaches for his phone in his private bedroom. (Then again, when is a bedroom NOT private?))

Dedede: Now let's see…was it this notebook? Or this notebook? I should really—ah! Here it is! I _knew_ it wasn't in the one marked 'Éclair Expert'…Now…Kirby's number…or should I call the main castle first? Hm, decisions…well, I'm sure Kirby has Meta Knight's number, so I'll get the basics first.

(Dedede picks up the phone, but promptly drops it. The resulting pull jerks the cord out of the wall.)

Dedede: What the hell is this made of, gold?

Random Waddle Dee #1: Uh, yes. It is. When you told us to get you a gold-looking phone, we didn't cheap out on your budget.

Dedede: Great, thanks a lot. I guess I should've specified. Do you happen to have a normal phone around? One that isn't made of something heavy?

Random Waddle Dee #1: You mean a regular plastic one?

Dedede: Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks.

(Ten minutes later the Waddle Dee dropped off the phone and left. Dedede plugged it into the wall and picked up the receiver.)

Dedede: Great, it works. Now, what's his number again? Oh yeah…

(The phone rings four times before Kirby's answering machine plays.)

Dialogue: Hi guys! I'm sure you could tell, but you reached me, Kirby. If you got the wrong number, that's fine, just hang up, but if you need to talk to me about something, leave me a way to get back to you or meet you or something! Thank you!

Dedede: Hey listen Kirby, it's Dedede. You know, King Dedede? Well, I kinda—

Kirby: Hello? You there, Triple D? You should know that I don't normally pick up the phone until I know who's calling.

Dedede: OWWW…KIRBY. THE PHONE. STOP THE—

Kirby: That better?

Dedede: Much, thank you. Listen, I needed to ask you something.

Kirby: Then why didn't you just say whatever you need to? I don't need you to give me a fancy spiel like Meta Knight.

Dedede: You sure _sounded_ like Meta Knight there. Anyway, I'm bored and I want to go on vacation somewhere. Do you have any ideas?

Kirby: Timeframe?

Dedede: What?

Kirby: You know, a timeframe. When exactly are we taking this psyched-out trip of some sorts?

Dedede: Well, I was thinking in about five days, give or take a day.

Kirby: Simple enough. But don't most denizens of this planet take a day or two to pack and get ready to leave?

Dedede: I'm a king. I have servants. And so do the people I plan to bring along.

Kirby: Who would these mystery people be? You certainly aren't planning on dragging Meta Knight, are you?

Dedede: Yes, I am. Why?

Kirby: Well, for starters, he tried to kill you. I think it's a bit uncommon for people to take people who tried to kill them on a vacation with them.

Dedede: I'm sure he'll have forgotten that grudge. We're in pretty good terms now—at least, I think…

Kirby: I see. Well, it's your call. Who else is going?

Dedede: I was thinking of asking the crew back in my first castle to tag along too.

Kirby: Who's that? You call every castle your 'first castle'.

Dedede: This isn't my first castle.

Kirby: You said it was last week.

Dedede: Well who cares about what I said?! Anyway, I meant like Fumu and Bun and maybe one or two others. Not Knuckle Joe, hopefully.

Kirby: You're worried that _he'll_ kill you, yet Meta Knight is of no threat?

Dedede: He won't do anything if Fumu comes, heeheeheehee…

Kirby: Dedede, don't mention that to him. Doing so will incite a riot and then he'll try to kill you. Again.

Dedede: Eh, I got it. Once Fumu agrees, though, it'll be merciless teasing for him, though, heh heh.

Kirby: Are you sure you don't want me to call Meta Knight and talk about it? I mean, super-positively-absolutely sure?

Dedede: Yes, Kirby, I can do it. I'll be careful of what I say.

Kirby: Just…you better really be careful with him. I wouldn't recommend saying anything irrelevant to vacation plans. Ask him where he wants to go or do or something. Whatever you do, do NOT ask him about ANYTHING relating to food.

Dedede: Why?

Kirby: Just…don't, okay? Listen, if we're taking this trip in a week, I've got to get my stuff together.

Dedede: How much stuff could you possibly need?

Kirby: Snacks and game systems. Maybe a hat or copy essence or something just in case.

Dedede: You won't use it to beat ME up…will you?

Kirby: Don't work me to that point. I guess I'll see you in…how many days?

Dedede: I'll call everyone up to get them together for a conference, say in a day or two? Normal people need some time to pack clothes and close up and everything.

Kirby: Clothes are cool, but they're so annoying…why do you bother wearing them again? Besides, y'know, the obviousness of covering up your fat.

Dedede: I know I should care about the fact that you insulted me, but has anyone ever explained the um…_facts_ of _life_ to you?

Kirby: You mean all that sage-like logic and wisdom and proverbs and such? I do independent reading; why?

Dedede: Uh, never mind…you'll…find out someday. I guess I've gotta call Meta Knight now, so…yeah.

Kirby: Are you really going to do that? I can call him now, you know!

Dedede: Yes, I'm sure. How hard can it possibly be?

Kirby: I think you jinxed it, but if that's what you say, then bye.

Dedede: -hangs up- Some people are too cautious. Then again, MK DID try to kill me, so maybe I _should_ be careful…Ah what the heck, it's probably nothing.

(Dedede picks up the phone, but hesitates.)

Dedede: Oh, I forgot to ask for Meta Knight's number…

(Five minutes later, Dedede was typing Meta Knight's number into his phone.)

Dedede: I wonder how long it'll take him to pick up. With my luck, he's in the middle of some long mission in Mario Galaxy or Strikers or maybe a Kirby Air Ride stadium.

(Dedede puts the earpiece up to his ear and waits. He doesn't hear anything for a second or two, but then some music starts playing all of a sudden.)

Dedede: This sounds familiar…wait…could it possibly be—It is! It's the 'Frozen Hillside' music from the Air Ride competition! I wonder how he got that to play…then again, it _was_ his course of choice…

(The music gets to the point where it stops to loop about a minute-and-a-half later, but instead of looping, it sunk back into silence. Dedede shook the phone a few times before a Spanish-sounding theme started to play. His eyes almost bugged out of his head.)

Dedede: Luigi's theme? Dangit, it seems I'm not the only one who mains Luigi as my Mario Strikers Charged captain. Then again, Meta Knight does have a lot in common with him. I wonder what kind of team Meta Knight has. He's probably…nah, I can't see him as an offensive player…he probably uses a bunch of Shy Guys just for fun. I can't see him being—

Meta Knight: Ah, Dedede. And for what _wonderful_ reason have you decided to grace me with your _presence_ today?

(Dedede gulped. Maybe Kirby was right about being careful. He was about to comment on how he almost sounded like some sort of hissing dragon, but decided that that wouldn't be the best choice if he wanted to keep all his body parts intact.)

Dedede: Uh, are you having a bad day?

Meta Knight: A bad day? You're asking me if I'm having a bad day?

Dedede: Well, yeah…I figured it would be polite…

Meta Knight: _You_ being _polite_? That's a laugh! What do you want from me anyway? I doubt you called me up just to have a pleasant chat about Mario Strikers or the latest weather report or something.

Dedede: You main Luigi, right?

Meta Knight: How would—well, yeah. I mean, come on, we were buddies at the Smash tournament. Why not?

Dedede: Oh, I just figured. How's your progress in that game? You got all the cheats and stuff already?

(Dedede holds the phone away from his ear as Meta Knight starts screaming profanities about all his troubles in the game—about how he couldn't get past some missions because the other team kept beating the crap out of his team for the fun of it, how the Striker cup was being awful to him today, how he almost lost as Peach to Donkey Kong, and how he could've played better if he had eaten breakfast or lunch today and such. Dedede sat in stunned silence with his mouth agape, wondering how someone could use so much profanity in so few sentences. About five minutes later, Meta Knight finished his spiel.)

Meta Knight: So…yeah. But don't you dare think for a second that you can beat me. I go all out against most human opponents.

Dedede: Like—oh, never mind.

Meta Knight: What?

Dedede: I was about to say something that would prompt you to kill me, but considering that I called you to ask if you wanted to go on vacation with me, I think that would be a dumb idea.

Meta Knight: The pinnacle of dumb, you mean.

Dedede: Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, did you wanna come or not?

Meta Knight: Where are we going? Are you going to drag us through some fiery pit of goop? Take us to some place that will eventually become our grave? Drag us back to that Star-Rod-forsaken—

Dedede: I don't have anywhere planned. I'm taking an opinion poll. So where do you want to go? Nothing psycho, please.

Meta Knight: …well that's no fun…

Dedede: Aw come on, there's gotta be something! Don't you go to museums or beaches or amusement parks or some—

Meta Knight: Did you say amusement park?

Dedede: Yeah, I did. Why? Do you go to them frequently?

Meta Knight: Well, I've never actually been to one before, but considering all the crazy acrobatic stunts we pull on a daily basis, it shouldn't be too traumatizing, hopefully. That's my choice. Of course, I'm not loaded with cash either, so exactly how much would this trip cost?

Dedede: Hm, good question…Ah, who cares. I've got money to spare, so it's on me. Taking a last-minute vacation is way cheaper than most of the stuff I've bought before. So it's free.

Meta Knight: You're telling the truth? You know I don't trust you…

Dedede: Meta Knight, would it kill you to drop your guard once in a while?

Meta Knight: Hmmm, let me think...well, YEAH IT WOULD! Do you not remember the Magolor incident? We dropped our guard there and look what happened! If he hadn't betrayed us, he wouldn't have gained HALF the fans he did! I'm not particularly fond of losing any more of mine, are you?

Dedede: No way. And would it kill you if I pointed out the obvious that your fans only like you because of your rivals while my fans like me because I'm Kirby's real rival and antagonist while you are merely a goody two-shoes who got his ass kicked by himself?

Meta Knight: DEDEDE! Just you WAIT until I get my paws on you! I'm gonna—

(Dedede holds the phone away from his ear as Meta Knight spouts off more profanity at him. He tries to butt in and say something, but is unable to break in.)

Dedede: Dangit…is this what having no food does to those beach balls? No wonder Kirby was so angry about me stealing all the food in the kingdom…Hey Meta Knight, _Meta Knight_!

(Meta Knight stops screaming for a moment, as if in shock that Dedede had something to say in his curse-laden rant of how he couldn't pick his fangirls. Dedede sighed in relief.)

Dedede: Listen, I was only trying to joke around. Sorry. I guess I should've followed Kirby's advice and just asked you instead of trying to make _pleasant conversation._

Meta Knight: …you talked to Kirby?

Dedede: Yeah, I had to get your number from him. He offered to call you himself, but I said I could do it. So anyway, I'll have a conference on, say, tomorrow at my current castle. You know, the one on the border?

Meta Knight: Yeah, that one. Orange roof?

Dedede: Red, but…I guess it fades. Orange, fine. Then again, most of my castle roofs are red—er, orange—anyway.

Meta Knight: Fine. Current castle, what time?

Dedede: Say about five in the evening. Got it? I already told Kirby when I called him back.

Meta Knight: Five, got it. See you then, fatty.

Dedede: See you then, blueberry.

(Dedede quickly slammed the receiver down even though he knew Meta Knight wouldn't respond to more petty insults. He sighed before looking at his book.)

Dedede: Well, just one more number to go. Let's just get this over with and hope that I get Escargon instead of Fumu…

(This time, it only takes two rings to pick up, and there was no fancy music.)

Escargon: Hello, Castle Dedede of Pupupuland, and _who the hell is calling us?!_

Dedede: It's me. Do you remember?

Escargon: I don't remember anybody named 'me'. Do you, I don't know, have an actual _name_?

Dedede: It's me! KING DEDEDE, YOU NUMBSKULL!

Escargon: Oh, your Majesty! I haven't heard from you recently! So how's everything going?

Dedede: Listen, I need you to drop Fumu a note. Tell her to go outside the castle tomorrow with her family and that a Waddle Dee wearing a blue bandana will be there to pick them up in my royal car. I'm having a conference of sorts I need them to be at around five in the evening, so they should be ready at four. Tell them to pack their bags for a ten-day trip with whatever they'd need.

Escargon: But your Majesty, what are you doing with them?

Dedede: I'm hoping that we can go somewhere for a short time.

Escargon: Why can't _we_ just go somewhere? Why do you want to vacation with those conniving little brats? Not that, you know, I'd want to go with them…

Dedede: Well, since I'm in a generous mood, go take yourself a vacation. You can go anywhere within a reasonable price range as long as you follow two rules.

Escargon: Oh, and what are these two probably-ruinous rules?

Dedede: One, don't leave the planet. Two, stay away from wherever I'm going. Got it?

Escargon: Are you sure you're not playing a trick on me?

Dedede: I'm not, okay?! Give Fumu the message and you're good to go. Just don't be gone forever, okay?

Escargon: Yes, your Majesty. Uh, goodbye now, heeheehee…

Dedede: -sighs- Hoo boy, what have I gotten myself into…Bandana Dee! I have some orders for you to distribute!

* * *

More to follow...this is already kind of planned out, so I won't make any majorly big changes. Just so you know. -yawns-


	2. Getting in Some Hot Water

A/N: I'm writing a story solely for Destiny Willowleaf again. XD She's the only one who keeps coming back for more. Ah well, I don't mind. I hope you get a laugh out of this. :)

PS: I am the only one in this archive who updated/posted any stories today. It is August 7, and I'm a mere five minutes away from midnight. XD

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Kirby, mainly because he's a living thing and should not be owned.

* * *

(The next morning found Kirby's rooster clock going off like crazy. Of course, this made no difference, as the resident hero was already awake and chowing down on a bunch of fruit. He even had dessert after his breakfast, which was half a box of fudge. Before he left for the day, he stopped the rooster alarm (a gift from Mario back in the Smash tournament), remade his bed, and promptly tripped over a box that was bigger than he was (how he did this when the box was taller than he was is up to the reader to visualize). He rolled back into an upright position and stared at it.)

Kirby: Owww…what—oh yeah! I almost forgot! King Dededoo wants me to go have a chat with him. But…

(Kirby glances at the clock. It's only 10:30.)

Kirby: Dang…what am I gonna do all day besides haul this box to the castle? That's gonna be torture…it's a pity I didn't have some sort of robot to do—that's it!

(Kirby gets up and runs into the box again.)

Kirby: Ugh, I really need to get that thing out of here…

* * *

Dedede: Now are you sure you can remember the directions?

Bandana Dee: FOR THE LOVE OF NOVA, YES! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU?!

Dedede: Just checking. …you sure?

Bandana Dee: I'm going to strangle you. Flee before it's too late.

Dedede: Don't forget!

(Bandana Dee stabs his spear toward the ground where Dedede had been standing. The penguin's crazed laughter echoes off the walls of the castle and throughout the hall, causing more than a few disturbed looks in the gardens. Then again, it wasn't like it was anything new. Bandana Dee mutters a few choice words about Dedede before hopping in one of the king's 'official' royal cars. Nobody knew what made them official, especially since every car's license plate said 'DDD', but there weren't that many cars on the planet so nobody really cared. Bandana Dee hopped in the car, shut the door, and started it.)

Bandana Dee: Now let's see…where was I going? Ah, here we are. I should be able to get there in about—

Dedede: DON'T FORGET to PUT YOUR SEATBELT on!

(Bandana Dee whipped around to see the king standing a little ways away from him. The waddle dee stomped on the gas and turned the steering wheel toward him. Dedede's eyes bugged out and he immediately fled toward the nearest bushes, knowing that Bandana Dee wouldn't bother running through them. Dedede just made it before Bandana Dee pulled up a mere centimeter away from the edge of the bushes. The king stuck his tongue out at him only to get the horn blown in his ears. He grimaced and shouted some profanity at Bandana Dee, whose hidden grin was so wide you could almost see it. While Dedede didn't see his grin, he did hear Bandana Dee laughing as he drove out of the castle gates and down the path.)

Dedede: Why am I always terrorized in my own castle?

Random Waddle Dee #1: Because, your Majesty, you always bring trouble upon yourself when you happen to be in the castle. It's simple logic.

Dedede: That must be why I hate logic…

(A few minutes later, Bandana Dee finally stopped laughing to check his map.)

Bandana Dee: Now let's see…if I take this route, I should get there in…FOUR HOURS?! He said it would only take me two! I better get going so I can make it back before four! Stupid king…

(Bandana Dee took off down the near-dirt road, checking the map every time there was a stretch of straightaway to see if there was a shorter way. He managed to chop about an hour off his estimated time, but only if he did ten miles per hour more than every speed limit. Hopefully there aren't any cops outside of the ones in Pupupuland…)

* * *

(Meanwhile, Wing Kirby was flying toward where he'd last seen the Halberd stationed. He preferred flying there with a Wing power-up because thirty-two MPH Air Ride speed was way faster than a standard Warpstar's twenty-four MPH. He didn't feel like wasting his energy on making them go faster than usual considering that his problem wasn't life-threatening, but he still wanted to fly fast, so Wing was the most obvious answer. The only problem was landing at high speeds—skidding to a stop using your feet was painful; a justifiable reason as to why Meta Knight wore metal shoes. Kirby was about to do a Condor Dive to land, but realized that doing so at his speed would put a dent in the ship, so instead he activated a dash attack, which slowed him down considerably. Then he pulled a Shuttle Loop (which felt weird at low speeds) and glided lazily onto Main Cannon #2.)

Kirby: Now let's see…would he be in the control room? Probably, unless he fell asleep somewhere else…in which case, that will be AGONY for me to search for him. Hopefully he didn't leave any tools on by mistake, or…uh oh, that'd be bad.

(His hat flapped him up to the height of the control room and he landed on a window. After walking along the ledge, he found a window that had been left open and crawled inside like he owned the place. A fan was running on its highest temperature settings and a miniature AC unit was plugged into the corner. Meta Knight was lying in between the two without his mask and armor, apparently asleep. Kirby looked at the open window and then back at the air conditioner. The pink puff touched the floor close to where Meta Knight was sleeping and jerked back quickly.)

Kirby: Aieeeee! That's cold! No wonder he left his cape on! What in NOVA's name is the temperature set on?!

(Kirby looks at the side of the AC unit. The temperature says '42 degrees, instant cool mode'. The pink puff walked over to the window and shut it, preventing any more hot air from entering the otherwise-closed-off room. The room instantly became sixteen degrees colder, minimum. Kirby started shivering.)

Kirby: D-dangit, MK, s-stop the air conditioner…h-hey, wake up, ple-ease!

(Kirby walked over to Meta Knight, trying not to think about what would happen if his feet froze to the metal floor. Even Meta Knight pulled his cape around himself tighter and whimpered in his sleep. The pink puff shook his friend back and forth, begging him to wake up. It seemed to have no effect. Kirby could have sworn that his skin was getting ice crystals on it at this point. His Wing hat seemed paralyzed, and he could barely feel his feet. Noticing Galaxia lying on the floor a few feet away, Kirby dashed over to it before he plunged it into the air conditioner using an electric stab. As he soon found out, however, electric sword plus heavy-electric-usage device = bad combo. Kirby's eyes grew to a comical size as he saw the air conditioner starting to spark. He grabbed Meta Knight's arm and jerked him out of the way before the device exploded. Fortunately there was not much debris, although the floor looked a bit scorched. Kirby cautiously crept back over to see if anything had been blown up with the air conditioner. Lucky for him; there was nothing within the blast radius. The pink puff breathed a sigh of relief, not caring as much as before that his breath crystallized on contact with the air.)

Kirby: Hopefully he won't care too much. Hey Meta Knight, are you still asleep? Uh, I kinda need you for something…hey, wake up!

(He got no response except for Meta Knight trying to roll away from him. Kirby rolled his eyes before he was hit with a bright idea. He ran back over to the window and opened it, sticking his head out gratefully as his hat defrosted. He pulled his phone out of his cheek and pressed the button for his warpstar. About a minute later it was floating outside the window waiting for him. Kirby grinned as he put his phone back in his cheek, dragged Meta Knight onto the star with him, and then took off. When they were above an especially warm section of Orange Ocean, Kirby hovered about three feet over the water and dumped his friend in. He got a bit worried when a minute passed, but soon enough Meta Knight managed to resurface, coughing up water as if somebody had tried to drown him (which is pretty close to dumping someone into the ocean while they're asleep). Kirby hovered down to the surface of the water and hauled his struggling friend onto the star with him.)

Kirby: Hey, are uh, you okay?

Meta Knight: Ohh…Kirby—ow…hold on, let me try and remember some things…ow…

Kirby: Um, I'm sorry for almost drowning you.

(Kirby gets no response except for Meta Knight coughing up another fountain of water over the side of the star. The blue puffball finally lay down on the corner of the star with his paws and feet dangling over the sides precariously. His wings were all tangled up in his cape and he still had some seaweed wrapped around him. Kirby hovered in front of him, letting the breeze from his Wing hat blow on his dazed friend as the pink puff pulled some of the seaweed off of him.)

Kirby: Uh, you can still remember your name, right?

Meta Knight: I think so…but I don't wanna think now; I could just die…

Kirby: You remember where you are? What we're doing?

Meta Knight: No…I—hey, don't pull—ow, _stop_…

Kirby: Well we're above Orange Ocean right now and I was about to ask you if I could borrow the Heavy Lobster. You still have that thing laying around somewhere, don't you?

Meta Knight: Maybe…I'd have to—ow—look. Just let me sleep…

Kirby: But I went through all this trouble just to get you awake! You can't fall asleep now! We've gotta get to Castle Dedede soon!

Meta Knight: The one on Luigi Street…right…

Kirby: Do I need to get a doctor? I mean, I don't know where I'd find one, but—

Meta Knight: I'm fine; don't. Just…drop me back off at the Halberd, please. The key's in…the bottom…

(Meta Knight falls asleep again and rolls off the star. Kirby dives in after him and tries to pull him up to the surface. His Wing hat is soaked with water, weighing him down, but he manages to get to the surface. Kirby gasps for breath as he tries to keep himself and Meta Knight afloat and pull them onto the Warpstar, which was hovering just out of his grasp. The pink puff tries to suck in some air to float, but seawater keeps washing into his mouth instead, shocking him into letting his breath go. His face starts to turn pale blue as he desperately swats at the star hovering just out of his grasp.)

Kirby: S-someone! …Help! Hey!

(Kirby resurfaced from another wave; his head starting to feel numb. He summoned enough energy to throw himself up toward the Warpstar, but all he did was smack it. The star sucked the energy out of him and converted it to a bright flash of light. As Kirby resurfaced yet again, he managed to throw a glare at the star.)

Kirby: You…utter…_jerk_!

?: Hey, KIRBY! Is that you?

(Kirby turns to the source of the voice, albeit a bit slowly. His eyes light up, despite the embarrassment and possible blackmail that would soon follow.)

Kirby: Bandana—Dee! HEY! Thanks that—you're—here…

Bandana Dee: Hoo boy. How'd you _get_ there? Are you nuts?

Kirby: No, but—I'm just DROWNING here! H—

(Bandana Dee runs back to the car and pulls out a rope. He ties it around the car before swimming out to Kirby with it. Only when he reaches the struggling puffball does he realize that there are _two_ people he needs to save. Bandana Dee rolled his eyes, but tied the rope around each puffball and swam back to shore along the rope. After giving himself a thorough shaking, he starts spinning the rope in rapid circles around his spear. When the duo reached the shore, he stuck the spear in the ground and hauled them out. Kirby gasped for breath before giving Bandana Dee a sheepish grin.)

Kirby: Uh…thanks buddy…

Bandana Dee: Well whatever you were doing before is gonna have to wait. You two are tied to the bottom gears of the car seat, and I'm already running behind from saving you guys. Get in.

(Before Kirby can even stand up, Bandana Dee chucks the two into the back seat with the rope, climbs in, and takes off down the road (before they can put their seatbelts on, mind). Kirby's warpstar hovers over the water a bit longer before taking off to who knows where.)

Kirby: Hey, Bandana Dee. Where're you going?

Bandana Dee: To pick up the other vacationers, whether you like it or not. The king doesn't expect us to be back until about four, but it's a very good thing I left early because it's gonna take me about seven hours total.

Kirby: What? Are you serious? How far have you gone so far?

Bandana Dee: I've just passed the first hour, buddy. Go hibernate or something.

Kirby: Aw maaaaaaaaaaan…but it's so bright out and I could've brought my DS. That's how this whole mess got messed up.

Bandana Dee: Mind telling me what happened?

Kirby: Well leaving all the uh…_irrelevant_ parts, I—

Bandana Dee: I'd love to hear these irrelevant parts, if you don't mind.

Kirby: Well basically I went to ask Meta Knight if he'd loan me the Heavy Lobster to move my stuff but when I got there the place was freezing so I risked life and limb to make the temperature normal again but in the process I blew up his air conditioner. And then he was still asleep no matter what I did so I decided to dump him in Orange Ocean to warm him up and then he almost drowned so I helped him onto the star but then he fell asleep again and rolled off and I dove in after him and we almost drowned again and then you came along and then the end.

Bandana Dee: So you two got into some _hot water,_ eh?

Kirby: Hey, it could've been warmer in my opinion.

Bandana Dee: So both of your things are back at your place. Well, I guess that's okay considering that the real deal isn't for another day or two.

Kirby: What? He's going that soon?

Bandana Dee: Well, yeah. He's an impatient penguin. Do you seriously think he'd wait a week when he could leave in a day?

Kirby: Hm. Point taken. Well, I'll probably squish myself under the seat so I can sleep without the sun in my face. At least this car is reasonably clean.

(Suddenly the car is shaded. Kirby looks up.)

Bandana Dee: It has a sun roof, you know.

Kirby: Hey, I can't remember everything. I'm gonna take a nap.

Bandana Dee: I'll try to keep my music down. Get your sleeping in before I have to pick up. You won't wanna be sleeping then.

Kirby: O…kayyyy…

(Kirby falls asleep mid-statement. Bandana Dee risks a quick look back and sees that the floor of the car has water all over it. He also sees that he has nothing but a few fast food napkins to mop up the water. Deciding that he'd rather use a towel or three to mop it up than a handful of Wendy's napkins, the Dee just shrugged before stepping on the gas some more.)

* * *

Dedede: Bandana Dee, I'm worried. What if Bandana Dee—

(Dedede suddenly realizes the flaw in his conversation and facepalms.)

Dedede: Dang, I've gotten too reliant on talking to him. I should've gone with him. Then again, Fumu would've murdered me. And I could fight back, but then Meta Knight would murder me. Slowly. And painfully. And I wouldn't doubt if he threw in a few scorpions with it too. Wait, what the hell's a scorpion? I'm not an Animal Crossing nut!

Waddle Dee #88: Don't worry, you Majesty. After all, other dimensions use the term 'scorpion' just to describe things that look similar to it.

Dedede: Thanks for the comfort. Wait a minute, where did you come from? You weren't here ten seconds ago!

Waddle Dee #88: It's my turn to dust this week, your Majesty. I haven't done any dusting in about five years.

Dedede: Where have you been, kitchen duty or something?

Waddle Dee #88: That's not too far from the truth, your Majesty. Mainly because I was.

Dedede: Oh. That would explain things.

Waddle Dee #88: Ugh.

Dedede: But still, I wonder how Bandana Dee's doing. I bet he's gotten about three speeding tickets already.

Waddle Dee #88: Why don't you call him, your Majesty? Isn't there a cell phone in each one of your cars?

Dedede: Waddley-day, you're a genius! I'll go do that!

(Dedede runs out of the room before dashing back in.)

Dedede: Oh yeah, my phone's right in here! Duh!

Waddle Dee #88: -muttering- You said it…

* * *

(Bandana Dee was enjoying a nice round of when he heard the sound of a phone ringing from a compartment by the steering wheel. Upon shoving his paw in the hole (without even checking for spiders), he found that it was indeed a cell phone and that it was indeed on. He flipped it open and held it up to his ear.)

Bandana Dee: Uh, hello? Who's calling this phone, may I ask?

Dedede: Your totally hot and sexy king, duh.

Bandana Dee: Mmhmmmm…really.

Dedede: At least say attractive.

Bandana Dee: I don't think so. Uh, any reasoning behind this phone call?

Dedede: That's what the last eight people asked. But I knew I'd get you eventually! …this is Bandana Dee, right?

Bandana Dee: Unfortunately, yes.

Dedede: That's what I thought. Listen, how far are you?

Bandana Dee: I'm about half an hour from the town outskirts. Why? Oh, and before you answer, WHY in NOVA's name did you tell me it would only take two hours when it would take FOUR?!

Dedede: Uh, yeah, I actually called to correct you on that…

Bandana Dee: Fat lot of good it's gonna do now! You just better hope that I don't get pulled over!

Dedede: Why? How bad are you speeding?

Bandana Dee: Fifteen miles over.

Dedede: What's the RUSH?!

Bandana Dee: Inestimated time, oh, and—

Meta Knight: Bandana Dee? Is that you? Where the heck are we?

Dedede: Who's that? It sounds like…Bandana Dee, did anything happen? Why do you have passengers before you've even gotten to the castle?

Bandana Dee: Since I'm a nice person, I stopped and saved some idiots from drowning. It added about twenty minutes to my time.

Dedede: 'Idiots' as in multiple passengers?

Bandana Dee: Yes. Kirby and Meta Knight.

Dedede: What're you going to do with them? Why didn't you just leave them alongside the road? They can take care of themselves.

Bandana Dee: I could have, but you see, not only would that have been inhumane, the rope I tied them to is attached to the bottom gears of the driver's seat, which I accidentally adjusted after I tied it. Since the other end of the rope is wound thickly around my spear, and since the tip of the spear is conveniently lodged in a place that will take hours to pull it out from, the two are, in effect, stuck here. Permanently. Or at least until we get back to the castle.

Dedede: Doesn't Meta Knight have his sword?

Bandana Dee: Well if he did he doesn't have it now. Considering that they were in Orange Ocean and didn't get electrocuted by a fish running into it, he probably left it somewhere. Where exactly is irrelevant. He's just along for the ride now, whether he likes it or not.

Dedede: He's gonna hate you, you know?

Bandana Dee: If I use the obvious facts, it may very well be your fault.

Dedede: Why so?

Bandana Dee: You do realize he's still conscious, right?

(Dedede hangs up the phone. Bandana Dee glares at the 'disconnected' symbol before shoving the phone back in the compartment.)

Meta Knight: Bandana Dee, where are we going?

Bandana Dee: A place where you'll want to keep your mouth shut and fall asleep if you want to preserve your dignity, that's where.

Meta Knight: That's specific, but not in a geographical sense. Could you—

Bandana Dee: -Give you the latter, yes. We're going to Castle Dedede, Prism Plains branch. Otherwise known as Pupu Village area.

Meta Knight: What? No, you're kidding, right? You can't be serious.

Bandana Dee: I am serious. Just as serious as you are about your GameCube collection. Now shut up and try to fall asleep and look harmless. We're going to be there in about twenty minutes and I'd like the two of you to stay as quiet as possible—unless, of course, you'd be interested in explaining why the floor back there is covered in tidewater and what you look like and so on. By the way, I wouldn't be surprised if they asked what kind of half-drowned fish you two were. You honestly look that bad.

Meta Knight: This does not bode well…

* * *

Dangit, it wasn't as funny as I'd have liked...next chapter will have one or two of the lines I've been saving in it, I swear.

Random Trivia—the Castle Dedede in Kirby: Squeak Squad is portrayed as being the exact same castle from the anime. Not only does it look a bit destroyed on the pre-map screen for Prism Plains, it is also positioned on the same cliff, has the exact design, has the same road leading up to it, has similar decorations, and even has the demon beast materializer in Dedede's throne room with the EXACT SAME DESIGN, even down to the handrail and the number of lights (it actually appears to be running, for some reason). Dedede's throne room also appears pretty similar to the anime version as well. Does that mean that anime-game might possibly be canon?


	3. Scheming, Dreaming, and Arguing

A/N: I skipped the awkward conversation in the car—it's up to y'all to visualize. XD

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Kirby... -yawns-

* * *

(At about four-thirty, Kirby, Dedede, Meta Knight, Fumu, Bun, their parents, and Bandana Dee were sitting in Dedede's bedroom. Kirby and Meta Knight had been untied and were sitting in the mass of pillows on Dedede's bed, Dedede was sprawled on the rest of the blankets, and everyone else was sitting in chairs. Like normal people.)

Bandana Dee: …and I tried calling them, but they didn't answer. So it's your fault.

Fumu: I didn't know Lololo and Lalala had their own castle…when did that happen? I know they moved out, but—

Dedede: Uh, it's a long story. And it's also one I _don't_ want to tell.

(Kirby and Meta Knight pop out of the pillow pile with excitement gleaming in their eyes.)

Meta Knight: Then can I tell it?

Dedede: NO.

Kirby: As your esteemed enemy, I believe I have the right to embarrass you, don't I?

Dedede: No you don't!

Meta Knight: But he's quoting you, kingy. What do you say to that?

(The trio starts arguing among themselves. The others sit there watching them, with Bandana Dee simply staring at the scene with a flat face. Fumu rolls her eyes.)

Bun: Jeez, are they always like this?

Fumu: It's just Dedede getting riled up about one of his mistakes. Just like old times, except with a slightly different crew.

Bandana Dee: Hey, this time I'm not insulting him.

Fumu: You certainly did enough of that in the car…

Bandana Dee: Yes, but he doesn't have to know about that.

Parm: Not much has changed, has it, dear?

Memu: Seems not, unfortunately.

(Dedede is flung off the bed with a pillow shoved in his mouth.)

Meta Knight: Yeah! I'd give that nine points!

Kirby: Where'd I lose the last one?

Meta Knight: He didn't fly out the window and turn into a star. You know, finisher points.

Kirby: Ah, I see. Good point—no pun intended, of course.

Bun: So Kirby's got a new partner in crime? Why not me?

Bandana Dee: I think it's called a blood bond. And were you ever his partner in crime to begin with?

Bun: So they're related?

Bandana Dee: No, but they're the only ones left in their species—excluding Kirby's clones, but he can't stand them.

Bun: Why didn't they come with us?

Bandana Dee: I don't know. Why don't you ask Kirby and Meta Knight? They're the ones who know them.

(The duos' eyes got wide.)

Meta Knight: What? Are we talking about the Mirror Kirbies? NO WAY!

Kirby: I'm not getting humiliated by them! They're my complete opposites!

Meta Knight: I'm not getting _mauled_ by them! You _know_ which one of them _does_ that!

Kirby: I'm not getting dragged to _parties_ every night by them! I can be a ladies' man when I want, but I hate drinking and I've _got_ a girlfriend!

Parm, Memu, Fumu, & Bun: WHAT?!

Meta Knight: Hey Kirby, why didn't you invite Ribbon?

Kirby: She's busy this week. Some sort of festival. And besides, I'm going to stay with her for a while next month.

Dedede: Ohhh, how _romantic_…

(Kirby pulls a pie out of nowhere and smashes the pie on the side of Dedede's head.)

Dedede: Sheesh Kirby, I think some of that went down my ear canal.

Meta Knight: Must we really deal with this? Must we really get distracted by this in the middle of a fifteen-minute-planning-conference? Must I seriously stay in the same condominium-slash-hotel with this moron for more than a week?

Dedede: …Uh, yeah, I guess so…

Meta Knight: I don't know how I could stand to work for you. No wonder I turned into a recluse. And I _already_ like being alone, so that's saying something.

Dedede: Well excuse…

Bun: I still can't believe that that's Meta Knight…

Fumu: How so? When you think about it, he's only dropped the seriousness. Not much else has changed.

Bun: But he back-talks to Dedede. He didn't do that before. None of them acted like this before.

Parm: Son, someday you'll realize what people must do in order to keep their jobs…

Dedede: …and I knew Kirby was crazy like that sometimes but I didn't realize that it was species-spread.

Meta Knight: I haven't eaten anything in a few days. Thus the reason why my insanity is more apparent.

Dedede: But why starve yourself? Surely there has to be something for you to find. It looks bad if I let my subjects starve.

Meta Knight: Because there's nothing left but stupid corn cereal left in the closet that I should eat first. I haven't had breakfast or lunch the past few days because I'm avoiding it and when I walked into the kitchen area to get the phone, I walked into the closet instead and picked up a bag of chips.

Kirby: Ah, I have pity on you. Here, have some of these cookies and then take all my milk. I hear that drinking milk fills you up.

Meta Knight: Thanks. I'll do that.

Dedede: What? Hey! Not on my bed!

Kirby: Dude, he's more careful than you with—

Meta Knight: Just drop it Kirby. I'll sit on the floor.

Kirby: Hey. HEY! You can't be more self-sacrificial than me! I'm the only one who can do that!

Meta Knight: No, I am!

Kirby: Me!

Meta Knight: Me!

Dedede: CAN IT! Can it or I'll tape your mouths shut!

Fumu: So anyway, you called us here because?

Dedede: Oh. Right. I want to take a vacation, but I don't know where and I can't go alone. Bandana Dee said he'd drive me there, but he refuses to come.

(To emphasize the point, Bandana Dee crossed his –short- arms and made a face at Dedede.)

Dedede: So since I can't think of anywhere I'd particularly like to go, I figured I'd be generous and let the vacationers decide.

Fumu: Are you sure this isn't a trap?

Bun: Yeah! How do we know?

Kirby: Trust me on this; he's outgrown his stage of that—well, at least for now. He hasn't caused too much trouble as of late except for spray-painting my mailbox.

Meta Knight: You have a mailbox?

Kirby: I was GOING TO before he spray-painted it!

Dedede: Guys, we are dragging the line. I asked for vacation ideas, not criticism.

Fumu: Well you make it awfully hard not to—

Dedede: IDEAS, GUYS! We're like a thousand words into the chapter and I've only got one opinion!

Bun: Uh, whose opinion is that?

Dedede: Meta Knight wants to go to an amusement park and ride a bunch of crazy stuff that is probably heart-attack-inducing. At least, that's what he told me over the phone.

Meta Knight: My opinion still stands. Amusement park, please. Or the beach.

Dedede: You're always at the beach or the ocean or something. It's always 'Orange Ocean' or 'Secret Sea' or something when your boss fight comes up. The only times you weren't in some sort of water-related place were the times you were possessed or cloned.

Bandana Dee: Wait, what about all those times—

Kirby: The general public doesn't know much about those, so they don't count. Anyway, I think I'll copy his idea. But I'll throw in a waterpark too.

Dedede: Who goes to a waterpark in the middle of April?

Kirby: Someone who lives at a beach. And a bunch of psychos.

Dedede: Precisely.

Kirby: And you're saying that we aren't a bunch of psychos?

Dedede: Anyway, next opinion.

Fumu: I guess I'll go along with whatever they suggest.

Bun: I'll go anywhere! Just make it awesome, not some sort of museum. Something exciting, like a race car track! But I guess the amusement park is the same thing, so…that counts too.

Parm: I guess we'll go anywhere since it's on your tab. As long as it's not too dangerous, you know.

Dedede: Well I'll call Lololo and Lalala to see what they think of this, but it sounds like we're probably going to the amusement park. Kirby, you can do your victory dance now.

Kirby: I think we should just strike a pose for now, eh MK?

Meta Knight: No abbreviations, please.

Bandana Dee: Isn't that the pose combo we did in Return to Dream Land?

Kirby: Well I don't recall any other times where we were all in sync at the end of our victory dance.

Fumu: You guys will have to tell us what—

Dedede: Okay, I'm back with the scoop.

Kirby: Of ice cream? Great! I was wondering what took you so long, waiter. I'll have to cut your tip some.

Dedede: Stop it Kirby! Anyway, they said they were good for the first three days but then they've got a planning conference or something after that so they'd have to leave early.

Fumu: Whoa, hold on. What's the timeframe of this anyway?

Dedede: Well, I figured we could leave about…tomorrow, right?

Bandana Dee: Great King! I didn't put gas in the car and you're just telling me this now? What about my route? You guys are gonna have to get up early in the morning tomorrow because I'm not driving in the late afternoon traffic.

Bun: Why are we driving there? Why couldn't we just fly?

Dedede: Yeah, we could take the Halberd or Air Ride machines or something. The only problem then would be where to park it.

Meta Knight: Oh yes, I can see the dialogue box now: "And here come our heroes, riding in on the spring breeze instead of driving like normal people."

Kirby: Why the random Kirby Super Star reference?

Meta Knight: It was appropriate, in case you couldn't tell.

Fumu: SO! Tomorrow. We've got all our stuff packed. How about you all?

Kirby: I need to transport my stuff. How about you Meta Knight?

Meta Knight: All I need is some electronic devices—mainly video games—a book and a few other random things. After all, it's not like I wear clothes. But I _will_ need this hat.

Fumu: Uh…

Dedede: Why?

Meta Knight: So nobody will recognize me. What, you think I'm going to stroll into a theme park wearing all my gear? You think I would let people identify me as me? If I'm going to humiliate myself, I'm going to do so when nobody can figure out who the heck I am.

Dedede: And how is a hat going to change your appearance so drastically?

Meta Knight: Hey, you couldn't even piece together what I looked like when I was wearing my armor. Are people really going to stop and think about who I might be, especially if I just make up a nickname? You'd be dumb enough to buy it if you were a passerby; don't deny it.

Dedede: Somehow I don't think that's going to work, even if you insult my intelligence.

Meta Knight: Of course it won't. But you haven't seen the hat yet.

(Meta Knight pulls a knit blue-and-yellow beanie cap out of his mouth and pulls it onto his head. The cap is so big it's a little larger than half of his body size.)

Meta Knight: It's called the fallacy of distraction. Nobody will bother putting two and two together if they're distracted by the cap.

Dedede: You could've worn a Luigi cap and accomplished the same thing, you know.

Meta Knight: You don't understand. This turns anybody who wears it into a future software engineer—or at least, that's what the item screen says about it.

Dedede: Is that really true?

Meta Knight: Of course not, you dunce. But computer experts swear by these when it comes to pretending to look intelligent.

Dedede: Uh, I see. But not really.

Meta Knight: Just live with it, buddy.

Fumu: Ehem? Could we wrap this up? Some people need to get their stuff here for tomorrow and nobody's even thought about dinner.

Dedede: So. I'll go book the stuff. Kirby, Meta Knight, get your stuff. Kirby, chop the snacks; I'll buy some. Parm and family, I guess you all can just wander around here. I put up some maps around the place. It's so utterly huge I get lost myself sometimes.

Kirby: Heavy Lobster?

Meta Knight: It can't fly. I have a better idea.

Kirby: Air Ride machines?

Meta Knight: Precisely. Hero powers, calling the Dragoon, stuff like that. Let's-a go so we can get back, eat, goof off, and then I'm tired so I might go to bed early—if I don't fall asleep and tumble onto someone and start drooling on their shirt. I'm gonna make sure I sit next to Dedede when that happens.

Kirby: Animal Crossing quote?

Meta Knight: Yup.

Dedede: How nice to know that people are thinking of me in such polite manners…


	4. Predeparture

A/N: I couldn't bear to leave this segment out. I was going to delete it, but I plan on bringing this chapter's content back up and then nobody would know what happened. Go figure.

**Disclaimer**: The Cosmic Penguin in no way, shape, form, coding, etc. owns any Nintendo characters…blah blah blah you know the rest.

* * *

(King Dedede was sleeping soundly in his bed, completely forgetting about the vacation plans for the next morning since he had forgotten to set his alarm clock. Unfortunately for him, Meta Knight and Fumu had a sixth sense for getting up for important things, after which they woke up Kirby and the others. Dedede was the only one sleeping. While Bandana Dee ran out to get the cappies some breakfast, Kirby and Meta Knight were plotting about something they shouldn't have been…)

Meta Knight: No, no, you know I hate my stupid squeaky high-pitched voice. I won't do it. You can sound more annoying than me when you want to anyway.

Kirby: Come on, you know the routine better than me. You can do it better than I could if you put your mind to it. I know you can. This might be the only time you get to do this. Come on, won't you? Please?

Meta Knight: Fine. But I get the seat next to Fumu. I'm going to ignore you for a little while.

Kirby: You just _liiiiike_ her…

Meta Knight: I said I'm _ignoring_ you…

(The two puffballs casually stroll down the hallways to Dedede's room. Once they reach his room, Kirby floats into position a few feet above Dedede's head and Meta Knight squeezes into the empty space between his nightstand and his bed. The blue puffball checks Dedede's alarm clock, switches the alarm to lunchtime, and then turns the clock on. He gives a thumbs-up sign to Kirby, who turns on a video camera he was holding. Meta Knight turns himself invisible before cupping his hands around his mouth.)

Meta Knight: Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep…

Dedede: Oh, leave the stupid—FRYING PAN ON THE STOVE!

(Kirby and Meta Knight desperately clear their minds of the scene so that they don't burst out in laughter. Meta Knight takes a gasp of breath as Dedede pounds the alarm clock. For a few seconds, there was no more fake beeping noise, so the king relaxes, rolls back into bed, and pulls a pillow over his head. Kirby looks a little confused, but doesn't say anything.)

Meta Knight: Beep, beep, beep, beep, haha, haha, haha…

(Dedede rolls over, throws the pillow against the wall, and tries pressing every button on the alarm clock. He tries to yank it off the nightstand, but little did he know that Kirby and Meta Knight had soldered it to the cabinet. Dedede starts wrestling with the alarm clock and the cabinet, making it hard for Meta Knight not to get mutilated by the bottom boards. When Dedede wrapped his arms around the cabinet and started to pull it off the ground, Meta Knight teleported to the other side of the bed while Kirby was trying his hardest to keep the camera still from his suppressed laughter. The king keeps wrestling with the alarm clock even though there's no more noise coming 'from it'.)

Dedede: WHY YOU SON OF A SHOTZO! I'M GOING TO RIP YOU TO PIECES! YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT THE GREAT AND ALL-POWERFUL KING DEDEDE! YOU INGRATEFUL BASTARD! AREN'T YOU HAPPY WITH THE JOB I'VE GIVEN YOU? I'LL HAVE YOU EXILED TO BACON-LAND! LOCKED UP IN GRASS HUTS! YOU HEAR ME!?

(Meta Knight quickly buries his face in one of Dedede's pillows so he can suppress the sound of his laughter. Kirby sneaks around to the window and starts fiddling with the latch desperately so he can get out before he explodes with laughter and ruin the video. Unfortunately for the two, Dedede had started to wake up and was examining the clock a little bit closer. Meta Knight makes desperate motions toward the window as Kirby slowly tries to push it open without making noise.)

Dedede: Wait a minute…it's stuck here. No wonder I couldn't get it off. What time is it? Ugh, I—wait, why is it set to noon?

(Kirby and Meta Knight make their escape as a gust of window pulls the windows open with a bang. Wind whistles all around the room, and Dedede turns around toward the window a mere half-second after Kirby and Meta Knight drop out of view. The two stop themselves just above the ground, fearing that trying to fly with a surprise breeze would mess up their flight pattern. Kirby shows Meta Knight the stopped footage and saves it. The two nod to each other before sneaking back into the castle, leaving Dedede scratching his head at the window.)

Dedede: Huh…that's weird…I wonder how—

Fumu: Hey Bandana Dee, these egg wraps are really good! Did you make them yourself?

Bandana Dee: No. I drove out and got them from the Double Donuts shop. It was half an hour away, but it's always worth it. At first I didn't want to try it because his Majesty liked it, but I'm glad I did. I always wondered how they got so many of the shops around places. I bet—

Dedede: They're eating breakfast without me! Noooo!

(Dedede dashes down the stairs, but he doesn't look where he's going and slips on something with one foot and smashes something with his other. Both objects go flying—)

Kirby: OW!

Meta Knight: Kirby, you oka—ow…Let's _hurry_ before Dedede beats us to breakfast…

Kirby: Wait…didn't Dedede…

(Dedede shudders as the two enraged puffballs turn toward him. You may think that Meta Knight would be the more terrifying of the two, but you weren't staring into Kirby's utterly ticked off eyes. Dedede caught the broken shards of some electronic device behind him and shuddered, trying to divert his eyes from Kirby's soul-melting stare. Hungry puffballs plus broken camera plus getting stepped on and flung against a wall equals NOT GOOD.)

Meta Knight: Calm down, Kirby. Just…relax…like I'm trying to do…

Kirby: I'm gonna—

Bandana Dee: Kirby! Meta Knight! Your Majesty! Where ARE you?! Your dinner—I mean, breakfast is here and we're about to leave!

(The trio's eyes grew wide and they shot off toward the direction of Bandana Dee's voice in a food frenzy. Kirby shot in the door first and was closely followed by Dedede, but Meta Knight pushed his foot against Dedede's beak and knocked him back out of the room. Meta Knight landed on the back of a chair in a precarious position with his wings splayed in awkward directions and his eyes gleaming. He glanced over to see where Kirby was only to notice that the pink puff was standing on the back of a chair just like he was. Dedede stumbled back into the room and shot a glare at Meta Knight, who was pretending that nothing irregular at all had happened. Bandana Dee slaps some bags in front of them all.)

Bandana Dee: Here. Take them with you to eat in the car. We're leaving.

Dedede: You already packed Kirby and Meta Knight's stuff?

Bandana Dee: Three boxes is not a huge load, Great King.

Dedede: What did or didn't they pack, a bunch of video game systems?

Kirby: We brought a few other things, like a lighter or two. Just in case.

(Dedede merely shuddered, deciding that calling them pyromaniacs might prompt them to _test_ the lighter's efficiency before they left. He was about to poke into the food bag when he realized that everybody had already left to get in the car. Dedede dashes after them like a madman.)

Dedede: Hey! Wait guys! This is MY vacation after all!

Bun: …dummy…


	5. What to Do in the Car

A/N: It must seem like I'm dragging the line at this point, but I just don't want to rush everything. Trust me, this might actually turn out to be sixty chapters knowing my writing style...

_Oh, and by the way—I'm assuming that if you've played Smash Bros., you've at least heard of K.K. Slider (from Animal Crossing). If you haven't, look a few of his songs up. He has probably, what...more than seventy by now? Some of his tracks are designed solely for use via radio aircheck, so if one sounds bad, search a few more because they're supposed to sound that way. I wouldn't bring this up but he's the closest thing we have to a video game 'singer'._

**Disclaimer**: Even if I can figure out how to work GameMaker and make a bunch of Kirby games, I still won't own Kirby…

* * *

Dedede: …Well this is awkward…

Fumu: You're saying the quiet is bad?

(Bandana Dee was driving Dedede's car (think the anime car, but with a backseat). Dedede, Parm, and Memu were in the front seat and the others were in the back. Meta Knight was sitting against the right window with Fumu next to him, Kirby next to her, and Bun next to the other window. Bun was leaning against the door getting a little extra sleep and the puffballs were staring into 'thin air'. The two had returned to their more 'normal' states now that they'd been properly fed. Fumu was watching them closely, trying to ignore Dedede and Bandana Dee's argument in the front seat.)

Dedede: No, no, NO; you've got it all wrong! Cackletta's theme definitely set the dark shadow over the game even in 16-bit! They were all lighthearted games; Partners in Time just kept the enemies in your face more often! In Superstar Saga, you had the whole Hooniversity incident where the teacher got transformed into a monster right in front of you, not to mention that the whole 'Bowletta' incidents were a little questionable considering that it was possession!

Bandana Dee: But Cackletta and Fawful were only trying to take over the kingdom; they just had one or two accidents that looked bad. Whereas the Shroobs were focused on wiping out every living creature on the planet and turning their life energy into fuel for their spaceships. Not to mention all the people who got borderline killed in that game, and all the Toads in the forest that got the life force sucked out of them by the trees, and the Yoshis that got eaten and then turned into eggs by—

Dedede: Fine, FINE! But it still beats Bowser's Inside Story!

Bandana Dee: The real 'darkness' factor was only introduced in the second-to-last cutscene of the game. Get your act together.

Meta Knight: Have you played Dream Team?

Dedede: Yeah. Have you?

(Meta Knight looked out the window.)

Dedede: You haven't? Wow, your life must suck. It's the best one so far.

Meta Knight: I think all of them are pretty equa—

Fumu: Is there anything to talk about that does not involve heavy debate? Like, I don't know, perhaps you could tell us some of your adventures you've been up to? There's certainly been a lot of weird things that have happened around the area and I doubt they just happened for no reason.

Dedede: Any instances in particular?

Fumu: Well one time everyone was starving because we had no food—

Kirby: Two time!

Fumu: Two, yes, and then everybody had dreamless sleeps, and there was another time where _everything was turned into yarn_, and before that there was—

Dedede: Yes, yes, I get the point. It's not ALL my fault, you know, it's—

Kirby: Why don't we talk about a topic that we can all relate to?

Bandana Dee: Like what?

Meta Knight: Like where we're gonna get lunch, for starters.

Bandana Dee: STUPID…WHATEVER YOU PUFFBALLS ARE! ALWAYS GETTING WORKED UP OVER FOOD!

Dedede: Uh, still, I don't think you were _that_ concerned about food back in the anime-span. What happened?

Meta Knight: I technically was. But it's called 'coming up with topics that don't involve making certain RPGs look bad'.

Dedede: Dededebating which Mario & Luigi RPG had the highest overall darkness factor wouldn't—ah damn, I can see your point. How terrifying.

Kirby: Has it ever occurred to you that we're back where we started?

(The car fell silent.)

Bandana Dee: Owned by Kirby in a debate. Uh, not like it wasn't possible before.

Kirby: _Thanks_ for the _compliment_.

Bandana Dee: Why don't you play some sort of game? A getting-to-know-you kind of game, maybe?

Fumu: We already know each other. What good is that going to do?

Bandana Dee: Humiliate you all. All you front-seaters can rotate your areas around to face the back, if you want. Why don't you play Spin-the-Bottle? I've got one.

Kirby: I'd like to know how THAT is called a 'getting-to-know-you' kind of game.

Bandana Dee: It can certainly be useful if you get your _girlfriend_, eh Kirby?

(Kirby's face flushes as he recalls a particularly awkward situation with Ribbon. Meta Knight seems to pick up on his thought train and shrinks back against the seat, trying to pretend he doesn't exist. Fumu looks at him strangely.)

Fumu: Meta Knight, what's wrong?

Dedede: Let's just say that meddling in Kirby's love life doesn't end too well. Hahahahaha!

Fumu: Meta Knight, did you really…?

Bandana Dee: You seriously expect him to confess, much less detail?

Fumu: Hm. Good point.

(Meta Knight glares at Bandana Dee, ignoring the fact that his back was toward him.)

Kirby: So I guess we're playing Spin-the-Bottle, eh? After all, our game systems are in the back.

Dedede: You brought your DS's and stuff and you didn't take them out before the trip?!

Kirby: Dude, we can't think of everything. We only got our headphones.

Dedede: And an MP3?

Kirby: Yeah. Why?

Dedede: Oh, never mind. Heeheehee. Anyway, here's a bottle.

(Dedede slaps down his Cherree-flavored 3-UP bottle in front of the group. Fumu looks a little disturbed.)

Fumu: Uh…Dedede…do you mind—

Dedede: Oh shoot! Whoops!

Fumu: Yeah, that's better.

Parm: Um, are you sure—

Memu: It's been a while since I played this game! Sit out this round, dear, I want to play!

Fumu: Mama?!

Parm: Dear, I—

Dedede: Well this should be good. Bandana Dee, why don't you play too?

Bandana Dee: I'm DRIVING, idiot!

Dedede: Ah well. You have to kiss someone at the end of the trip.

Bandana Dee: Thanks. Not really.

Bun: Hm? What's…happening?

Fumu: We're playing a kissing game, so wake up and snap to it.

Bun: Wha?! But—I—

Dedede: Who gets first honors?

Meta Knight: Normally this kind of thing would go to the—

Memu: I will, if nobody else wants to.

Meta Knight: …well that works too.

Kirby: Thank goodness. I don't want to get shocked on my first turn.

Fumu: Kirby, this isn't really a tough crowd. You know us all pretty well.

Kirby: True, but…

Dedede: All right, since Bandana Dee can just pass his turn to whoever's sitting next to him—

Kirby: -meaning YOU—

Dedede: …ugh, yeah, so if it points to Bandana Dee, you get to kiss him. Don't you feel the _love_, B-Dee?

Bandana Dee: Ugh. I hope not.

Kirby: Uh, shouldn't we wait for Lololo and Lalala? They might wanna—

Fumu: Kirby, Lololo and Lalala don't have mouths anyway! Just _how_ are they going to play?

Dedede: Wait, then how do they-

Fumu: Don't ask. Let's just get to playing.

(Memu leans over and flicks the bottle while Parm sits there in a state of shock. The bottle lands on Kirby.)

Bun: Hm, well that should be easy…

(Kirby's face turns red, but he doesn't say anything as Memu bends down and gives him a kiss on the top of the head. Dedede snickers as Kirby spins the bottle. It lands on Bun.)

Kirby: Oh come on…

Fumu: Hey, it's not as bad as kissing Dedede.

Kirby: But it's awkwaaaard…

Bun: Come on, Kirby. I wanna take my turn.

(Kirby leans over and gives Bun a quick peck on the cheek.)

Dedede: Hahahaheehee…

(Kirby glares at him. Bun spins the bottle and it points to none other than King Dedede.)

Bun: Oh NOVA. Just who I wanted to get for my first turn.

Dedede: Well you've still gotta kiss me!

Bun: I'm just going to pretend he's a girl and…

(Bun kisses him quickly before he goes back to his seat and starts gasping. Dedede ignores him and spins the bottle. It looks as if it was about to point to Kirby, but the pink puff quickly scooted over a little bit as the bottle pointed to Meta Knight.)

Fumu, Bun & Kirby: Uh…

Meta Knight: No way buddy, I—eeyah!

(Meta Knight glares at Dedede, who's cowering on the other side of the bus with a wicked grin on his face.)

Meta Knight: I can't believe you did that, you disgusting gay penguin. Kiss your _girlfriend_ on the lips, not me.

Dedede: Hey, now you're just being mean. Kirby kissed Bun.

Kirby: Not on the _lips_, though.

(Meta Knight ignores them and flicks the bottle with one of his wings. He's so busy sending a soul-melting glare at Dedede that he doesn't notice who the bottle was pointing to. Kirby pokes him.)

Meta Knight: Uh, what?

Kirby: You, uh...the bottle stopped.

(Meta Knight looks at the bottle. It's pointing to the person next to him, which was Fumu.)

Dedede: Pucker up, Meta Knight. You get to kiss your princess.

(Meta Knight looked as if he was gonna leap out of his seat and start strangling Dedede, but instead he leans over and gives Fumu a quick peck on the cheek. He pulls away with red cheeks as Dedede sits there laughing.)

Fumu: Well, let me get anyone but Dedede…

(Fumu spins the bottle and it lands…back on Meta Knight. Dedede starts laughing so hard he almost chokes. Tears stream down the penguin's face as everyone grins at the unlikely event.)

Bun: Oh my gosh! Sis, you and Meta Knight are having some seriously hilarious luck today.

Fumu: Uh, does that count? Getting the same person who just kissed you?

Memu: Yes, it's legal. Go ahead, dearie.

Parm: Memu—!

(Fumu ignores the others (and Parm, who appeared to have fainted) before a sly grin appears on her face. When Meta Knight turned to look at her reaction, she grabbed him and gave him a kiss on the lips. Everyone, including Fumu, laughs at his completely disoriented expression. Fumu gives the bottle a fast spin.)

Bun: He—heehee—looks like he got hit by a car…

Fumu: Hey Bun.

Bun: What?

Fumu: Kissy-kissy.

Bun: Huh? Aw come on! Isn't it Meta Knight's turn?

Fumu: Well you were the one who just said he looked like he got ran over so I'm willing to take his turn for him this time.

(Bun groans, but lets Fumu kiss him. He closes his eyes and spins the bottle. It stops pointing to the driver's seat.)

Bun: Uh…can I pass? I don't know this guy…

Dedede: Hey, if you want me to kiss someone, you've gotta kiss him. Come on, don't you wanna see me kiss Meta Knight again?

(Meta Knight looks like he would have stabbed Dedede if Fumu hadn't been calming—and pinning—him down. Bun crawls over onto Dedede and taps Bandana Dee on the shoulder.)

Bandana Dee: What? What is it? Do you have to use the bathroom?

Bun: Uh, no. I have to kiss you as per dictated.

Bandana Dee: Oh. Go ahead; I bathe frequently.

(Bun quickly kisses him on the cheek before crawling back into his seat. He looks a lot less embarrassed this time.)

Kirby: Well Dedede, your number's up. Hope that you don't get Meta Knight.

(Dedede spins the bottle and it lands on Fumu. He gets an evil grin on his face as he leans in toward the utterly ticked-off looking Fumu.)

Fumu: You wouldn't dare.

Dedede: So it's not fun if I'm not Meta Knight?

Fumu: That's not the point. It's not fun if it's just YOU.

Dedede: Well I'm not going to lose, even though I can't. Here I go!

(As Dedede leans over toward Fumu, Meta Knight punches him in the beak. Dedede recoils while Meta Knight nurses his stinging paw—not in his mouth, of course, for obvious reasons.)

Dedede: What'd you do _that_ for?!

(Meta Knight lets go of his paw and grins.)

Meta Knight: No reason in particular. I just wanted to see how you'd react.

Dedede: Son of a…wait. Who _are_ your parents, anyway?

(Meta Knight doesn't answer, instead opting to prepare to kiss Kirby.)

Meta Knight: Well, I guess it's not _too_ bad…

Kirby: Hey, we're bros almost. Last member of our species at least. We've done face-to-face tons of times anyway, so why's it matter?

Meta Knight: Since when did _you_ become so casual about this…well, if that's how you want to imagine it…

(Meta Knight pops a candy in his mouth and does face-to-face with Kirby.)

Dedede: Hey! Cheating! You've gotta kiss him again anyway!

Meta Knight: What?! But I—oh, never mind.

(Meta Knight follows through with the request.)

Meta Knight: You happy?

Dedede: Yeah, pretty much.

(Kirby spins the bottle. It points to the driver's seat.)

Dedede: Hey Bandana Dee, it's time to feel the _looooooooove_…

Bandana Dee: Fine. But hurry up; I'm trying to drive here. Who's—

(Before he can do anything, Kirby gives Bandana Dee a kiss on the blush mark. Bandana Dee almost runs off the road.)

Bandana Dee: Gimme a little warning, will ya!?

Kirby: Sorry! I just forgot!

Dedede: I'm tired of getting all the love. Pass it to Bun or someone. He's supposed to be a manly-man, or at least, he was trying…By the way, that's a direct threat to your manliness and if you don't accept, you'll be acknowledging that Meta Knight was the real man of the anime instead of you in those episodes.

(Bun tries to look graceful about it as he spins the bottle. It points to…)

Fumu: Not too hard, Bun.

Memu: Come on, Bun, can't you kiss your own mother?

Bun: Ohhh…this is embarrassing!

Fumu: Yeah right. Go on, Bun; you've been doing it for years.

Bun: Gah! Siiiiiis…

(Bun gets up and kisses Memu. Everyone snickers as he glares at them. Memu spins the bottle. It points to…)

Kirby: Well, Meta Knight, looks like you get the 'most loved by a soda bottle' award for today.

Meta Knight: Don't remind me…

Memu: Well just pretend it's a fairy tale or something and that _I'm_ the queen instead of _this_ idiot.

(Memu bends down and kisses Meta Knight on the forehead. The blue puffball looks thoroughly embarrassed.)

Meta Knight: Sorry. I just can't get used to this.

Kirby: Don't worry; neither can I. But we're just playing here; nothing serious.

(Meta Knight spins the bottle.)

Meta Knight: Yeah, I guess it's nothing seri—

Dedede: Have any snappy remarks?

Meta Knight: Oh damn. Where am I supposed to kiss _him_?

Dedede: I have cheeks, you know.

Meta Knight: That's disgusting. I'm not a girl.

Dedede: But you still have to kiss me, and it's a whole lot better than kissing my cap or my feet. Unless you wanted to kiss my chest or my muscles. You could always kiss me on the lips, you know.

Meta Knight: Ugh! I think my mind's been scarred enough! Let's just get this over with…

(Despite his words, the blue puffball sits there looking sick. Memu taps his arm.)

Memu: Come on, it's not that bad. All you have to do is kiss him.

Meta Knight: 'All'? That's 'all'? I'm not…doing it. I feel sick already.

Fumu: Well look on the bright side—if you get sick while you're near him, it's a bonus.

Meta Knight: Well, here goes…

(Despite all his instincts, Meta Knight manages to go over and kiss Dedede on the side of his face. He crawls back over to his spot and leans against the seat.)

Memu: That wasn't so bad now, was it?

Meta Knight: Uh, yes, it was…I don't wanna…do that again…

Dedede: It's-a my turn now!

Kirby: Must you use that accent?

Dedede: I wanted to use my Southern accent, but…

Kirby: Uh, why?

Dedede: Because the author lives in the south and she thinks it's funny. If I use my Southern accent, she might give me brownie points.

Kirby: Who cares about the author? Just spin the bottle!

(The bottle flies so fast it almost clunks off the ridge it was sitting on. When it stops, it's pointing to none other than…)

Dedede: I am NOT kissing Kirby!

Kirby: Good, 'cause I don't want you to either. Just respin it.

Bun: What?! Why—

(Before anyone protests, Dedede spins it again. This time he gets Bandana Dee. Dedede motions for everyone to be quiet before he leaps at Bandana Dee and gives him a big, slobbery kiss. Bandana Dee gets pissed off and slams on the brakes and jerks the wheel. Dedede flies onto the floor and moans. Everyone else groans and rubs whatever body parts they smacked. At this point, Meta Knight _does_ look as sick as he claimed he was. Fumu glared at Dedede, even though she had been the one to land on Meta Knight.)

Fumu: What the heck was that for? We could've wrecked!

Dedede: Since there are no other cars on the road, he can be as reckless as he wants.

Fumu: But that doesn't mean—oh, never mind. Why don't we all just take naps.

Bun: Yeah.

Kirby: Yeah.

Memu: That sounds like a good idea. Let's do so. Your father has already decided to sleep.

(Everyone leans back in their seats and tries to go to sleep. Fumu looks over at Meta Knight.)

Fumu: Hey Meta Knight.

Meta Knight: What…?

Fumu: Need any help getting to sleep?

Meta Knight: What…_kind_ of help?

(Fumu kisses him on the lips again and he instantly passes out. Everyone except for Bandana Dee and Fumu are napping or KO'd. Bandana Dee switches the music to some K.K. Slider mixes and changes it to 'Two Days Ago'. The slow, soft music fills the car like a lullaby even though it was supposed to be a break-up song.)

Fumu: Aw, Bandana Dee, did you break up with someone? I'm sorry…

Bandana Dee: No; I'm just kinda addicted to this song right now. I'm not really taking too many requests, either.

Fumu: That's okay; I like most of them. I'm just gonna sit back and daydream.

(While most everyone else was fainted or sleeping, Fumu sat up staring out the window while Bandana Dee drove. In the middle of their drive, though, an evil idea came to her mind and she grabbed the bottle…)

Bandana Dee: Hey, what're you doing with that? You aren't gonna whack someone with it, are you?

Fumu: Of course not. You won't see what it is until it actually happens. Hee hee hee…

* * *

PS: I just had to bring up the whole 'Mario & Luigi RPG' argument because for a while back in the day all the fangirls in the Mario archive seemed to care about was which one of them had the darkest RPG-centric fic. Yeah, I get around too much. :D


End file.
